Toxic yet Tolerant

No comments



πŸ–€ A Brief Moment into my World πŸ–€

When is there ever a good time to leave someone we are intimate with because they just cant get with the program? We constantly ask ourselves this. Whelp, I can honestly say, for me. It’s when I realize I am starting to not be myself. In other words, getting/acting out of character. Over the years with certain encounters and thingsni have been put through, I voved to myself, I would never allow myself to fall into that energy space again. It’s just that noone knows that the person they meet is going to be that person that will bring that negative space and energy out of you.

In my honest belief: a person never shows their true self until about six to eight months in.

LEARNING AND LOVING

Noone wants to ever give up on someone. The ample amount of time we spend with each other, making memories, learning them. Noone wants to give that up. Let alone, investing in someone emotionally and finanically.

Feels like you’re damn near dying when you realize you have to part…at least to me that’s how it feels. But then again I’m also very dramatic in all aspects of my life πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ

Spurring all your feelings and deepest darkest feelings so soon leaves open that demanding door of vulunerabilty. Spending our hard money on someone sucks when it’s not appreciated and or reciocprated. However, in the beginning, it’s all giggly and about the bomb sex. So high off each others’s vibes, not truly getting to know each other personally and what their tolerants are. We get so blinded by the good feelings and the begining bliss (that so called honeymoon stage) when someone actually does show us their truth early on. And that’s when the start of things start to blossom and things start to go wrong, we try to get back to that “beginning bliss feeling” when in all actuality, it wasn’t real. Living in false hope. Don’t feel bad, we have all at some point been there. πŸ‘€ some more than others….


Even though I would like to think, as I am with someone, I like to watch how they move. See what they deem okay and if it’s up to par to my judgements. You can sometimes tell right off rip that someone just ins’t for you. So just leave it at the causal sex and keep it pushing. However, sometimes, we try to see the potential and keep pushing hoping for better.

SEEING ONES TRUE SELF

At some point in time, we realize, “okay this isn’t working.” Something is off. In due time, you’ll start seeing them and it isn’t that day dream you dreamt in the beginning. *insert side eye* However, after time passes, you start to see them in their clear reflection. And it’s not up your par anymore. So you start communicating on how you feel.

You aren’t who I thought you were.

You’ve changed!

Nope, they didn’t change. They just became more relaxed and this is truly how they are. Now, it’s up to you if you decide to keep this going or let it go at this point. I do try and communicate how I feel. Explaing how these actions aren’t ok and or whatever it is that I am not okay with.

NOW if you are getting disregarded, RUN! That is a clear red flag. Clearly, they do not care about your feelings and or just not willing to change. But, to play the devil’s advocate , they probably just didn’t know that their action wasn’t okay because maybe they have been single for a long time and or saw nothing wrong in their actions because their intentions weren’t as it was perceived, in their mind, that’s not how it was played out on their end. Trust me, I know from experience.

However, everyone is different. Sometimes they don’t know how to communicate effectively. Never tried because of who they were with didn’t or  never had to use their words. Sometimes, they are just used to arguing and have not had actual conversations like actual adults without all the attitudes, cussing and screaming or they could just be holding everything in because they were scolded for expressing themselves previously.. leading to a blow up when they do release those emotions. This can be challenging. Now, I am not a relationship conselour or expert because the universe know’s my struggles that I within my precious relationships. But one thing I am proud of myself is that I do communicate. Still learning how to use my words effectively and so bluntly. I feel as though I communicate very well. However, my delivery can be better so it doesnt turn around and me the bad guy for being so brash.

So try your hardest before you lace up those shoes and take for the hills. It’ll take some time to work on the communication. They may just need guidance on how to communicate and have that barrier broken. Many people are willing to try and learn. That in itself can be a little frustrating yet liberating, you just have to have patience.

WAITING FOR CHANGE vs TIME WAISTING

Waiting patiently for change or are you waisting your time because nothing is changing? Well there really isn’t an answer for that. However, you know when you are tired of repeating yourself like a parrot, you’ll wake up one day and realize that that situation just isn’t for you. The constant, “I am working on myself” line and “it’s not going to happen over night” really gets old..and fast. However, when days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months and some even let months turn into years. *face palm* you have to ask yourself, “What are you really holding onto?” It’s not your sanity for damn sure. Change takes time, no doubt. So with that being said, there should be some noticeable changes that are consistent. Say it with me:

“Consistency is KEY”

Actions have always spoken louder than words for me. I give people the benefit of the doubt (but don’t we all) just to get the same thing i was promised i wouldn’t. So when words don’t match the actions and their actions are consistent with their previous actions. It’ll be official, you are waisting your time sweetheart. But you knew that already. Nobody ever wants to leave someone they have invested and by this time we are already talking months invested into that person. But don’t allow someone to let you settle for actions you know are not ok or just not okay with you.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO LET GO

At some point you’ll realize the situation isn’t getting any better. However, you still stay? I know I am guilty as hell for staying in situations I should have left.

My top three reasons were:

  1. I don’t want to start over with someone else
  2. I’ve invested so much time already
  3. Stability (financially)

I am here to tell you, you’re only making it worse by staying.

It’s okay to leave.

Surrounding yourself with negative energy will literally drain you and depression will be your best friend no matter how hard you to try to force that fake ass smile on your face. And if you are not careful, anxiety will follow up and show all of your insecurities. It literally only gets worse from there. With those states of mind, you’re only going to fall in a little dark hole and this space will hold you back from doing things you want to accomplish. Literally stunting your growth. Don’t let it.

We can read all the self finding/worth/love books in the world, but if you’re still surrounding yourself with that negative energy: the draining person, you’ll never truly experience that happiness. We speak on wanting to be happy all the time but what are we doing to get and maintain that happiness? Love comes and goes with the heartbreaks in between. Love is also a four letter word and an emotion we recklessly use in this generation. Do you know what love truly is or are you weaponizing the meaning? Do you love yourself and are you sure you’re loving freely? Your top priority should be yourself and mental state. If they arent consistent with their actions and words causing you to grow out character.

Let go and get back to yourself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s